Child Custody Tips for Parents Going Through Divorce

Divorce is always challenging, but it can be even more difficult when you share children with your ex-spouse. Not only will you face the hurdle of determining how you will divide your property and debts, but you will need to decide how you split parenting time with your children. Navigating child custody during and after divorce can be emotionally draining, overwhelming, and stressful. However, by keeping a few tips in mind, you can reduce your stress and remain focused on the best interests of your children.

The following are a few key guidelines to help you navigate the transition when you divorce with kids:

1. Never Use Your Children as Messengers

When you divorce with kids, never use them as messengers. This can put undue stress on them and put them in the middle of parental conflict, forcing them to take sides. Children used as messengers between parents may also feel they are responsible for parental issues, leading to anxiety, feelings of guilt, and emotional distress. Parents should communicate with each other directly or through a co-parenting app to protect their children from being caught in the middle.

2. Don’t Badmouth Your Ex in Front of the Children

Making disparaging comments about your ex in front of your children can severely harm their emotional wellbeing and create loyalty conflicts. While children see themselves as part of each parent, this can cause depression, low self-esteem, and behavioral issues. In addition, this can also be seen as a form of parental alienation, which can have a serious impact on your custody case. In such cases, the court may grant sole custody to the targeted parent, especially if there is also interference with visitation.

3. Encourage Your Children to Share Their Emotions

Divorce can be a confusing, scary, and upsetting time for children. They might have many questions and emotions that they do not understand. Encouraging your children to talk to you and share their feelings can help them process their emotions and prevent them from acting out. Knowing they have a supportive environment to express themselves can also help them feel safe and secure.

4. Maintain a Business-Like Relationship with Your Ex-Spouse

One of the most important things you can do when you divorce with kids is remain amicable with your ex-spouse. Although you don’t need to be best friends with them, you should still maintain a business-like relationship to reduce conflict and co-parent effectively. This can also show the court that you are focused on the best interests of your child, rather than your personal grievances.

5. Document Everything

When you divorce with kids and custody is at issue, it’s vital to document everything. This can help prevent “he said, she said” disputes, document patterns of behavior, and protect against false allegations. Keep a record of receipts, financial transactions, and expenses. Maintain copies of texts, e-mails, and social media messages that show missed parenting time, instances of threats, substance abuse, or violations of court orders.

6. Use a Co-Parenting App

If you and your ex are unable to communicate without conflict, you might consider using a co-parenting app which can document your conversations, keep your schedules organized, and track expenses. Many co-parenting apps also feature tone checkers that can stop you from sending an inflammatory message and offer alternatives. Since they provide tamper-proof and time stamped logs, the records from co-parenting apps may also be used in court as evidence in a custody case.

7. Follow Court Orders

During a divorce with kids, the court may issue temporary orders before issuing a final decision. Be sure to follow all court orders to avoid harming your custody case. These orders may define temporary custody, the visitation schedule, and the procedures for decision-making. Failure to adhere to a judge’s order may result in being held in contempt of court, monetary fines, and custody ultimately being granted to the compliant parent.

8. Always Put the Best Interests of Your Children First

The best interests of the child is the standard courts use when determining custody matters and it should always come first and foremost when you divorce with kids. Prioritize your children’s emotional stability by shielding them from any conflict between you and your ex, maintain their regular routines, and encourage them to have a relationship with the other parent. Present a unified front with your ex by showing up to school events together and work to ensure consistency across both households.

9. Get the Emotional Support You Need

When you divorce with kids, it’s crucial to get the emotional support you need as you go through the process. Don’t hesitate to speak with a therapist, counselor, or mental health professional who can help you manage your emotions and teach you coping skills. There may also be support groups in the community that can help you with learning co-parenting strategies, rebuilding your self-esteem, and navigating the transition of divorce. Getting the emotional support you need during divorce can help ensure you provide emotional safety for your children, rather than project your stress onto them.

Contact an Experienced Missouri Divorce Attorney

If you are divorcing with kids, it’s essential to have a skilled attorney who can guide you through the process and ensure the best interests of your children are met. Divorce and family law attorney Mark A. Wortman is dedicated to providing knowledgeable representation for clients facing divorce in the greater Kansas City, Missouri area. Schedule a confidential consultation to learn how attorney Mark A. Wortman can help by contacting Mark online or by calling (816) 523-6100.