Discuss These Issues Before Walking Down the Aisle

Marriage is a serious, life-changing decision that should not be taken lightly. Even if your relationship is going well and you seem compatible, it’s not uncommon for problems to surface after tying the knot. Importantly, prenuptial agreements can give a couple the opportunity to identify and discuss a variety of issues before walking down the aisle — they can also help to strengthen trust and clarify expectations. While communication is the key to every successful relationship, here are some things to discuss before marriage to ensure you and your soon-to-be spouse are on the same page:

1. The Meaning of Your Commitment

It goes without saying that marriage requires commitment — and there are many ways you can reinforce this commitment. According to psychological research, the three types of commitment that keep marriages intact include:

• Personal commitment — Personal commitment is defined by the “I want to” mindset. In other words, you stay in the relationship because you want to, and you find joy in it.
• Moral commitment — Moral commitment is also referred to as the “I ought to” mindset. It means being committed to your spouse because it is the right thing to do.
• Structural commitment — Structural commitment is also called the “I have to” mindset. Those with this mindset may remain in a marriage because they worry what others might think of them or because they believe staying together is better for the children.

Notably, it is the personal commitment mindset that is the most meaningful in a marriage. Marriages require work. The meaning of your commitment and willingness to work out issues with your soon-to-be spouse is one of the things to discuss before marriage.

2. Financial Expectations

Marriage is an economic relationship as much as it is an emotional one — and finances are among the things to discuss before marriage. Different expectations when it comes to money is one of the most common reasons for divorce. Talk with your future spouse about your lifestyle goals, spending habits, attitude toward debt, and money management skills. Work to create a shared budget that aligns with each of your objectives. You should also establish what will be considered marital property and what would be deemed separate property by executing a prenuptial agreement. This can help you avoid lengthy litigation over property division in the event of divorce.

3. Personal Goals

One of the most important things to discuss before marriage are your personal goals. Many couples divorce because they drift apart and no longer feel connected. While you are a unit with your spouse, you are also an individual with your own ambitions. Talking about your personal goals — including your career ambitions, vision for the future, and personal growth objectives — can help ensure you and your spouse grow together and work toward the same future.

4. Relationship Goals

Just as you have personal goals for yourself, you should also have shared goals with your spouse. These goals might include buying a house together, raising a family, traveling, and saving for retirement. Some of the things to discuss before marriage may include how you will commemorate reaching these goals. The memories you make can create a shared history, reinforce your relationship, and improve your connection with your spouse.

5. Children and Parenting Styles

Before marriage, one of the topics you should discuss is whether you plan to have children. For many couples, a disagreement concerning family planning is an irreconcilable difference, and it’s important to communicate about these topics early on. Talk about when you would like to have a family, how your finances will be managed, and what your approach is to parenting. Understanding each other’s family goals can help prevent misunderstandings and resentment in the future.

6. Your Core Values

Discussing your core values before marriage can help create a solid foundation for your relationship. These can include things like religious beliefs, philosophical views, respect, honesty, and trust. While you don’t need to think exactly like your spouse in order to be compatible, it is essential to have respect for each other’s differences and a mutual understanding of each other’s perspectives.

7. Communication Styles

Many marriages fail due to lack of communication or a misunderstanding of each other’s communication styles. While communication is the foundation of every relationship, it’s one of the most vital things to discuss before marriage. Talk about your communication styles and establish ground rules for dealing with conflict. Be open and honest regarding your expectations for communication — this can help you avoid challenges in your relationship before they arise.

Contact an Experienced Missouri Divorce Attorney

If you are contemplating marriage, a prenuptial agreement can outline each spouse’s expectations for the marriage — and help strengthen your relationship. A skillful family law attorney can best advise you regarding the things to discuss before marriage based on your specific situation. Divorce and family law attorney Mark A. Wortman offers compassionate counsel and reliable representation to clients in the greater Kansas City, Missouri area for a wide range of divorce and family law matters. To schedule a confidential consultation to learn how he can assist you, please contact him today online or by calling (816) 523-6100.